Originally written on December 28, 2016
By: Nick Poulimenakos
Alright so now that I have listed my top 10 best movies of 2016, it’s time to list the worst. That’s right, the garbage of 2016 cinema personified in one list, created by yours truly. Despite all the great films that came out this year, 2016 manufactured some of the worst films ever produced. So… despite there being around 25 movies that I could have ranked, I managed to list the 10 worst films I saw in 2016.
*IMPORTANT* this list is purely based on my personal opinion. I ranked these movies based on how much I hated them. Critic reviews did not influence how I listed these films (although, critics did seem to hate every single movie on this list so…). I took every aspect of a film I could think of when ranking them. This included acting, writing, music, cinematography, editing, etc. Now… onto the list!
- Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is another entry into Gary Marshall’s list of garbage “holiday films.” After New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day both tanked with critics and at the box office, one would think that films like this would cease to exist. However, we were obviously wrong as Mother’s Day rolled into the theatres and sure enough, fans were treated to another embarrassing effort from the once great Pretty Woman director. The acting is lackluster, the story is outright boring and hopefully, this film marks the end of this god awful, makeshift trilogy of holiday themed films.
- The Divergent Series: Allegiant
While both the Harry Potter and Hunger Games series saw their fair share of success, the same cannot be said for The Divergent Series. The first film was average at best, the second was bad but I didn’t think it could get any worse. I could not have been more wrong. Allegiant has some of the most dreary action sequences, astoundingly cheesy acting and overall confusing plot points that make me wonder why these films were ever made in the first place. The studio (Lionsgate) has announced that the series will end with a fourth and final television film so I guess they have finally realized that this franchise is dead and just needs to be put out of its misery.
- The Huntsman: Winter’s War
Seriously, who asked for this sequel? The first film, Snow White and the Seven Huntsman, was again, average at best. It kept me mildly entertained thanks to Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron. But then Universal Studios decided to produce a sequel without Kristen Stewart and gave Charlize Theron a smaller role. The result? A hilariously boring and confusing effort that feels extremely rushed, boasts uninteresting characters, successfully wastes the acting talents of Jessica Chastain, Emily Blunt and Chris Hemsworth, and worst of all, has some of the most atrocious visual effects seen in a 2016 film.
Ok, first and foremost, I have never really been a fan of the Warcraft game. I don’t know if being a fan of the game would have changed my opinion on this film but I honestly thought that this movie was a heaping pile of grade-A garbage. And truthfully, that makes me a bit sad considering how much I loved director Duncan Jones’ films Source Code and Moon. But Warcraft is just terrible on all fronts. Thinly written characters, a confusing plot that doesn’t ever outline what the characters are fighting for, a complete waste of Ruth Negga and Toby Kebbel and, like The Huntsman, contains horrendous visual effects. Seriously, the film looks like a low grade copycat version of The Lord of the Rings.
- Dirty Grandpa
Oh Robert Di Niro… why? Why would you allow yourself to star in a film this horrible? I’ll be fully honest here… I saw the trailer for this and was sort of excited. I mean it had Di Niro (a fantastic actor) and Zac Efron; what could go wrong? Apparently, everything. Dirty Grandpa tries its hardest to be funny but the result is a desperate attempt to be a raunchy, out-of-the-box comedy that fumbles at every turn. I legitimately can’t even remember a single moment where I at least chuckled during the film.
- Norm of the North
I wouldn’t be surprised if you said you hadn’t even heard of this film. 2016 was a tremendous year for animation as viewers were treated to cinematic greatness with Zootopia, Kubo and the Two Strings and Moana. 2016 also however played host to this trash, Norm of the North. Starring Rob Schnider in the titular role, Norm of the North has bland animation, a lazy narrative, lame voice acting and was a giant waste of 86 minutes. Seriously, this movie is a mess.
- Fifty Shades of Black
Fifty Shades of Grey was terrible. The spoof version of the film is even worse. I kid you not, Fifty Shades of Black was utterly terrible. I don’t know who thinks spoof films are still popular but they’re not. The film includes horrendous jokes, lackluster gags, and becomes toxically humourless. I said to myself before sitting down to watch this “I know this movie is going to be bad, I know Marlon Wayans is going to disappoint me. But what if, just maybe, the film turns out to be average?” It doesn’t. It never does. The film is 93 minutes I will never get back and that’s a decision I will have to sadly live with.
- Collateral Beauty
What do you get when you get when you combine the directing talent of David Frankel (The Devil Wears Prada, Marley and Me) and an ensemble cast that includes Will Smith, Kate Winslet, Edward Norton, and Helen Mirren? Apparently a giant snooze fest. Collateral Beauty manages to waste several successful actors and actresses by putting them in an utterly depressing, outright confusing film that doesn’t know what it wants to be. The film follows a dad coping with the death of his young daughter and on that alone, I thought this film would be somewhat good. I could, once again, have not been more wrong. Please, Will Smith, try to pick different movies to star in because this film is another 94 minutes of what’s wrong with cinema.
- Independence Day: Resurgence
I have to ask the same question I asked for The Huntsman. Who asked for this sequel? Seriously… I’d like to know. Will Smith dodged a humongous bullet by choosing to star in Suicide Squad over this film. The sequel to the massively successful Independence Day manages to be exponentially worse than its predecessor by showcasing dreadful acting, a brainless plot, and, in my opinion, holds the distinction of being the film with the absolute worst visual effects of 2016. Seriously, who created the visuals for this film? Not only does this film never create enough emotional weight to support its non-existent world ending stakes, but not even the effects can save this film. I’m praying to the movie gods that this series is put to rest because if a potential future third film is anything like this one, we are in for one giant pile of crap.
- God’s of Egypt
Where do I even begin with this film? Upon viewing the first trailer, I already knew this film was going to be bad. Seriously, there was not a single shot in any promotional trailer that got me thinking “oh wait, this film might actually be good.” In God’s of Egypt, nothing works. I legitimately mean nothing. I rate this film a 0/10. Atrocious CGI, horrible use of a green screen, some of the worst acting in history (honestly, how could Jamie Lannister star in something this horrible?), and a plot that could not have been more awful. The movie is 2+ hours that I will never see again. I can’t begin to wrap my head around how a movie with a reported budget of $140 million can produce something this unpleasant. Out of all the films placed on this list, this was the easiest to rank.
Dishonourable Mentions: Incarnate, Bad Santa 2, Nine Lives, When the Bough Breaks, Zoolander 2, The Disappointments Room.
And there you have it! This was way easier to write than the 10 best movies list…
My top 10 T.V shows of 2016 is next…