Written By: Nick Poulimenakos

I have one rule when it comes to cinema. It’s that all movies deserve a chance. No movie should be judged solely based on the reviews from professional critics. Watch the movie for yourself and make your own judgement. So, that’s what I did here with The Emoji Movie. JJ and Artur refused to join me on this cinematic adventure but I was content with sitting there and watching this film. And through all 86 minutes of The Emoji Movie, I can now say, without a shadow of a doubt, that this film is the absolute worst film I have ever seen in my entire life. The critics were right, but I was curious as to why the film was panned. I now know why. Read on to hear the reasons…

The Emoji Movie follows Gene, an emoji who has been assigned the “meh” emotion. Inside the smartphone world known as Textopolis, Gene discovers that he actually has multiple expressions, something that is looked down upon in the emoji universe. In his quest to become “normal,” Gene embarks on a journey that includes his best friend Hi-5 and an infamous code breaker named Jailbreak. However, as they travel through other apps, the trio soon discovers an incredible danger that could threaten their phone’s very existence.

T.J.-Miller-as-Gene-in-The-Emoji-Movie

Let me be perfectly clear, this movie is atrocious. I knew this movie wasn’t going to be good, but I never expected it to be this bad. Even The Angry Birds Movie has a couple of bright spots and The Lego Movie was so much fun. But, The Emoji Movie lacks everything, whether it be the script, the dialogue, the story or the music, The Emoji Movie has literally no saving graces. I’ll start with the characters. None of them are remotely interesting. Our main character Gene, played by T.J Miller is exceedingly unfunny in this role. The character that should be able to hold almost every emotion in his arsenal is a bore to watch.  Gene is desperate to be like every other emoji and wants friends but, at almost every turn, you care less and less about Gene.  T.J Miller is lackluster in the lead role as his delivery of the middling dialogue is not even close to at least being average.  Then we have Anna Farris’ Jailbreak. She acts as Gene’s saviour in the film and, of course, is a woman who’s also hacker, which the movie treats as a shocking discovery. Farris brings no charisma or even interest to the role. You’re supposed to care about Gene’s and Jailbreak’s relationship but you don’t, in any way. Is that surprising? No… it’s not. James Corden is this film as Hi-5 and every joke that came out of his mouth was awful. That’s all I’m saying about him.

So, remember when I said that Gene wants to just be a “meh” emoji? That’s the story, he just wants to be normal and entire story is built on this. Here’s the thing though. Less than ten minutes into the film, the words “just be yourself” are said. I mean, of course it was predictable that Gene was going to end up accepting that he has multiple emotions, but the film legitimately gives away the ending in the first ten minutes. That’s not to say that the story would have been better if those words weren’t spoken. It wouldn’t. The story is awful and here’s why. It’s very clear from the beginning that the writing process for The Emoji Movie included thoughts like “how many stupid internet trends can we squeeze in 85 minutes,” and “how many dumb jokes can be said in each line of dialogue.” Through those thoughts, the writers evidently forgot to construct a coherent plot. At no point do you feel invested in the narrative or the characters.  You’re just sitting there, constantly regretting why you took the time out of your day to see this dumpster fire.

Emoji

It’s also very clear that this film is trying so hard to be the next Inside Out, which is strange because director Tony Leondis said that Toy Story was actually the biggest influence for this film. The movie’s message of “accept who you are,” which is the same as Inside Out is squandered in the opening moments when you are introduced to the countless emoji’s in Textopolis. What Inside Out did so well was it focused on a handful on emotions and had a plot then blended the stories of the human and emotions seamlessly which, in turn, sucked the viewer in completely. The Emoji Movie on the other hand, opts to just surf through several popular mobile apps in an attempt to cash in on cheap jokes and quick puns.  The film fails to understand what its audience is (as if there ever was one) and flip flops between poop jokes and crude humor, leaving you once again wondering why you are wasting your time here.

The animation in this film might be the only thing it has going for it and even that is still average at best. I find it amazing that, in a world where films such as Toy Story, Kubo and the Two Strings and The Lego Movie have jaw dropping animation but then you have The Emoji Movie where it looks shoddy and thrown together at a whim.

Emoji

This movie was a paycheck for these actors right? That’s the only reason I can imagine for why T.J Miller, Anna Farris, and even Patrick Stewart signed on for this trash. You have to think, a large boardroom filled with high ranking men and women at Sony sat there and said “a movie about emoji’s? Perfect, that’s our next hit!”

I mentioned above that not even the music in this film is good. Usually in a bad film, its saving grace is its soundtrack/musical score. For The Emoji Movie, it’s just another reason why this film was doomed to fail. Not only does the movie use the most overplayed songs heard on the radio, it ends with a giant dance number that, unsurprisingly, goes on for way to long.

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This review is going to be shorter than my other ones because frankly I’m tired of writing about this sorry excuse for a film. I know I’m only a reviewer and have never gone through the process of actually making a feature length film, but this is bad by any standard. Unfunny jokes, horrendous dialogue, average animation, and music that makes me hate turning on the radio even more. It’s not a movie for young kids or the parents that will sadly be sitting there with them. The Emoji Movie is something that should have never happened. Please, don’t be like me and ignore this film for the rest of your lives.

Nick’s Rating – 0/10

JJ’s Rating – Was smart and didn’t come to watch

Artur’s Rating – Was also smart and ignored The Emoji Movie

What did you think of The Emoji Movie? Let us know in the comments below and on social media!

 

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