Top 10s

Top 10 Worst Movies of 2017

Written By: Nick Poulimenakos

Each year, fans rejoice as films like Coco and Blade Runner 2049 grace the silver screen but along with cinematic classics, comes a large number of misfires. Seriously, it’s amazing to think that these films were discussed amongst several executives and all of them thought “yes this will be our next big hit!” Everything from bloated sequels to misguided indies to lifeless comedies made its way into theatres and on the small screen but we’ve managed to once again condense the large number of films into a top ten list. It’s a known fact that movies take a tremendous amount of effort to make but it is hard to even merely recommend any of the films on this list to anyone. With this in mind, let’s get into our picks for the ten worst films of 2017!

10. The Fate of the Furious

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The Fate of the Furious is nowhere near as good as Fast Five, Furious 6 and Furious 7. That doesn’t make it an overall terrible film.  It’s just not on par with the previous three entries.  It’s got a convoluted and rushed story but does have solid action set-pieces, and decent performances.  The eighth film in the Fast franchise is definitely not the smoothest cinematic ride as it has the same time length as previous entries but it felt extremely rushed.  It would jump from an action sequence to a couple of lines of dialogue and then right back into another ridiculous action spot in minutes. Maybe it’s time to take the series in an unexplored direction? Or you know, just stop making these movies all together…

9. The Circle

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Who knew that a film that boasts Tom Hanks, Emma Watson and John Boyega as the main cast could be so incredibly boring? The digitally inspired thriller conveys its half-hearted exploration of timely themes horribly as the film manages to get less and less exciting as the runtime continues. The film operates as if it was written by elitists who spend too much time on their phones and figured that the world was too reliant on technology. Thinly written characters and an unexciting plot is what fans got instead of the captivating and complex novel it was based off of and it’s time to write this film off as one of 2017’s first big mishaps.

8. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales feels like an over-stuffed, drunk fever dream that no one really asked for but we got anyway.  The film has a paper-thin plot that really doesn’t scream “Pirates is back!”  The film has its strengths, which lie in most of the cast, the music and its action, but the weaknesses outweigh the positives.  There’s only so many times that Depp can be the drunk pirate and still excite the audience. Pun intended, it would seem like the ship has sailed on Captain Jack Sparrow being a thrilling character. At least we still have the first one… right?

7. All Eyez on Me

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Hot off the success of Straight Outta Compton, Hollywood decided to fast track another hip-hop biopic with All Eyez on Me. The film centres on the life and death of Tupac Shakur aka. 2Pac, one of rap’s most prolific artists and from the start it was clear that this film was destined to fail. A disjointed mess that is unable to decide how it wants to portray its protagonist, All Eyez on Me collapses under its own famous weight. In a case of style of substance, the movie strives to be too many things at once, ending with saying little about Tupac. No character has any traits that are worth investing in with director Benny Boom never keeping the film set in one location long enough. It is a scattered, thinly written story that will quickly be forgotten and have fans patiently waiting for the next great music biopic.

6. The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature

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If there is one thing that I will never understand, it is how films such as Coco can make it to the big screen and yet, we are still witnesses to animated disasters like The Nut Job 2. It is clear that this film, along with another entry on this list were merely produced to cash in on this year’s lack of children’s films. Nutty By Nature (which is also in the running for dumbest film title of 2017) reaches new levels of boredom as it is filled with horrific puns, unexciting characters and, worst of all, shoddy 3D animation. The film is a two hour waste of time and money and offers no entertainment to the audiences that unfortunately went to watch this picture.

5. Transformers: The Last Knight

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If you want to shut off your brain for two and a half hours, and just go with the flow of what Bay has to offer you this fifth time around, this film will do the trick.  There’s lots of action and explosions, without any depth of meaning whatsoever.  This film has a great number of flaws, but the biggest is how much The Last Knight retreads on past films, offering absolutely nothing new to the franchise, which is odd considering what the promos advertised.  This film felt incredibly stale, as it recycles elements from the series’ previous entries into a convoluted and non-engaging story. This is now the film’s second soft reboot, and since this is Bay’s last film, maybe a hard reboot is the way to go for the franchise’s future.

4. Geostorm

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Gerard Butler makes his second appearance on Talkies Network’s year-end list (his film God’s of Egypt was ranked as the worst film in last year’s ranking) with Geostorm. The loud, never-thrilling disaster film sat on the studio shelf for two years before finally securing a release date. It is clear as to why executives were hesitant to release the project. A film that is too campy to be considered a serious drama but also too uninteresting to be watched for pure enjoyment, Dean Devlin’s Geostorm is a film that fails on almost all fronts. CGI the feels like it came from TV, performances that seem to be pulled out of a straight-to-DVD film, and a story that can only be described as a half-baked political thriller, Geostorm looks to be the nail in the coffin for the disaster film genre.

3. The Mummy

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This is not a great start to the Dark Universe. There’s nothing really about this film that should get you excited about what’s to come besides Russell Crowe but even he isn’t the film for as much as you want him to be.  The action is average, the performances were incredibly underwhelming and, despite promises of a scary reboot, the film doesn’t deliver on that either. Its biggest blunder is how overstuffed it is.  It tries to tell a contained story about how Boutella’s titular mummy was wronged and now she’s back to wreak havoc along with attempting to shoehorn in numerous mentions to the wider universe.  It’s got no real direction.  Considering The Mummy is written by six different people, this isn’t a surprise. I love monster movies, and Sofia Boutella is great here, but I’m hoping that Universal gives future films to seasoned directors and cuts down on the amount of writers used for these films.

2. The Snowman

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Michael Fassbender is my favourite actor. The Snowman is a fairly intriguing and interesting novel. Thomas Alfredson is a great director. With all that in mind, you may find it shocking to realize that this film is astoundingly awful. It is a film that is filled with gaping plot holes, an incoherent story, zero attention to detail and subplots that leave you wondering why they were even included to begin with. Michael Fassbender’s performance here is the definition of phoning it in and the rest of the ensemble cast can barely hold a scene together. Much of the writing is clunky as The Snowman squanders its best-selling source material as well as its A-list cast. Fassbender has not had much like this year in terms of films he’s starred in. Maybe 2018 will be better to him. One can hope right?

1. The Emoji Movie

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Unsurprising I know but The Emoji Movie is by far the worst film of 2017 along with being the worst film produced in recent memory.  I know I’m only a reviewer and have never gone through the process of actually making a feature length film, but this is bad by any standard. Unfunny jokes, horrendous dialogue, average animation, and music that makes me hate turning on the radio even more. It’s not a movie for young kids or the parents that will sadly be sitting there with them. The Emoji Movie is something that should have never happened. Please, don’t be like me and ignore this film for the rest of your lives. I can now say, without a shadow of a doubt, that this film is the absolute worst film I have ever seen in my entire life.

Dishounrable Mentions: Fist Fight, The Bye Bye Man, CHIPS, Rings, Fifty Shades Darker & The House

That’s our list! Don’t agree with it? What are your picks for the worst films of 2017? Let us know in the comments and on social media!

 

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1 comment on “Top 10 Worst Movies of 2017

  1. Sebastian Schady

    Surprised Logan did not make the list

    Like

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